1:56 p.m. - 2003-06-05
memories of freshman year girl
new capricorns cd? it's true. check it out somewhere.
bored, at work, wondering if my survivor themed remarks have stirred up the expected controversy. i'll have to check the boards and see.
i'm thinking about a girl i was friends with two years ago - she is beautiful of heart, with a very genuine laugh and a love of very good things... i do not have that purity to me, when i was around her and the other girl like her i felt a little closer to it though. now too much time has gone by and i have in a way retraced my old paths of ennui, irony, and disaffection. this is easier and sometimes entertaining, but when i see her now i have to work to think of something to say. we are not in our shared element anymore. this makes me sad.
that said, i think i've gotten a little more genuine for it all, and i feel more at peace with myself than i did then. i'm doing things that really make me happy, and while i still buy too much useless shit and waste too much time being bitchy, i am doing other things too: baking things, riding my bike at top speed in the dark of night, singing a bit, and spending time with people that i can truly relax with. i cannot tell you how refreshing this all is after so long.
so, perhaps in time i will have the courage to let my ambitions slide and live a life i can truly enjoy like a hippie or something of that sort. but perhaps not - ambition is also one of my hobbies and it would be inadvisable to utterly deny this part of myself...
right now, i just want to be cozy, but i am at the library and this is difficult. but my shift is over, and i am going home. peace.
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