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3:34 a.m. - 2003-07-27
you're successful and established sir
fragment stream of consciousness:

'it worries me that you are so photogenic,' i said, i said 'it makes me doubt myself that i like you so much when you have the same perfect balance of elements that i have previously seen to be a sham that germinated into regrets only three months into it.'

and you said 'yes but what did that have to do with me being photogenic,' and i said 'oh er -' and i went on to say 'i was just talking about things that make me worry about liking you: you shine out of every picture and that worries me, i remember you doing this before, and i remember other girls that always have a perfect grin ready and what it really means is that i will never know when i see them if they are glad to see me or not, they will keep it close to their vest'

and you thought i was being an asshole, and maybe i was, and you said 'look so what if i smile when the camera is on me, i'm not smiling for the camera, i'm smiling for me, i think it is fun and perhaps it is my little vanity, excuse me for having it, i like pictures of myself goofy-faced and perfectly composed, i am beautiful and is that such a fucking problem, man?' this left me a bit thrown off because this wasn't what i was trying to get to at all, because the whole thing was about *my* insecurities, remember? but you didn't remember - that is the other problem with girls who seem so perfect. you all have terrible memories.

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