1:10 a.m. - 2003-09-18
schematicsfaction
'well i seen the cops and the robbers and i know they dance the same well
i've seen a half a zillion girls and haven't spoken to a single one of them' - soul coughing
suddenly i realize that with the pace of the life i keep, i can't really see where i would squeeze in a recurrent lover - not a girlfriend of course, but even someone that was my special lady, my gal to make me doe-eyed and cozy. this means that - even setting aside the lack of *opportunity* to find such a lady - it's practically impossible for me to get at this major avenue for soul-soothing.
so, what have i got left? as a substitute for girl-buddy there are the curious twins: random, sloppy, youthful rockandroll makeout in a corner of a bar, and utterly non-physical but deeply satisfying platonic relationships. i have the latter in spades and they make me so much saner than i would be and i am glad. the former seems not to be happening. perhaps if i drank, or did more ill-advised things? i'm not sure i'd even have the energy to return a kiss if it was given by any less than the best. i just don't know.
so, looking at this thing systematically:
* primary goal: happiness
* primary route: girls combined with kissing (unavailable)
* substitute: kissing (unavailable) and girls (available
* primary route is thus half travelled, leaving primary goal half-satisfied as well
* resolution: find other way to reach primary goal.
photography it is then.
"and i will hear your name called out from a boombox
i will hear your name called out from passing cars."
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