12:42 a.m. - 2003-09-26
i will lash out dancing like a madman when you're gone
i only have time to experience things in slivers now, cross-sectioned bits of life so thin that i barely know i am in one situation before it has slipped into another one. shifting gears has never been my strong suit and this has not helped, but i am managing well, though a single day may bring me through vengeful annoyance, unspeakable erotic excitement, maddening toil, shame and confusion, and many little blurts of social awkwardness.
maddening toil is the only one experienced fully, thanks to my job as well as the darkroom. after a week of having virtually no spare brain space to think of anything besides my four prints due tomorrow (emphasis on virtually - i squeezed in thoughts of many other things naturally, but they cannot be recorded here), i am as done as i can feasibly be, having been driven from the darkroom by their closing time. somehow fate led me to tite pockets, i suppose because i was looking for a fight. instead i found a party, and it was a good one at that. i wish i'd caught more of the submission hold because they seemed really damn good but anyway it was good just to schmooze a bit and then get a ride the rest of the way home from my blitzaholic beloved.
and now it's time for five and a half hours of sleep.
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