12:02 a.m. - 2004-03-04
two years in the making
here's the trick -
you used to feel pretty decent.
then, you got to know Her. and you don't remember how it felt to know her except that when you find the scraps and fragments of it - the haikus, the stickers - you feel like something is gone that you will never find again, but you need it. you want somebody else who will write haikus, and moreover write haikus that are written at the head of a vapor-trail of other feelings that cannot be haiku-ed or diarylanded at all. that is why you spend so many words on them.
but, every She is different. you will not find another one who fills up that exact same socket. and you forget that this socket exists only because it was originally molded out for Her. before she entered the picture you were fine and socket-less... if a little bit smaller, for it is a socket that expands your size.
you will not find another Her, but because you know the dimensions and textures of the socket she left so well, you think it is a part of you that you have always had. you do not think about the sockets that have yet to be carved out for others who will make you feel this way when they are gone. but i am messing things up by skipping to the end of the story; for what i really want you to think about is the period after these sockets are sculpted but before they are vacated, as all sockets must be.
you will love someone again.
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