12:57 a.m. - 2004-05-08
cause summer here, kids
so, i have possibly done permanent harm to at least one friendship today, but that may have been inevitable once things were set into motion. not happy about it but what can i do now but eat whipped cream and be told by others that they are glad i am not moving away?
i hope i'm glad i'm not moving away. i hope i will not realize after a month that i should have run far, far away from the new south hipsters. no: i am right to stay and take a stand. not against them - they're not worth it and they would completely not get it anyway - but against what they represent inside myself, the latest and most ghostly version of giving a shit what ridiculous people think of me. the hold of this force is perhaps even more tenacious for representing the last ditch: the new south hipsters are the fingertips of a person progressively falling into a chasm, now clinging desperately. if i find the strength, i will watch them fall away.
the strength, the smarts, and the having of better things to do. i wish people were older and more bitter; then their vitality would no longer present itself as the temptationary image of false salvation. but there are always more such creatures to take their place. this is why the battle has to be fought within me, if it's to be won at all.
and so begins the first summer of 2004.
�
�
