11:52 p.m. - 2005-01-05
if i can make it here i'll make it anywhere
the last few days off have been spent in weird alternations of things that make me feel relatively nerdish and lame - but self-indulgently debaucherous, like watching 'mystery science theater 3000' rented from vision video, and not leaving my house much...... and things that fit the exact agenda of how i want my life to be, like baking cookies, smiling a lot, and giving out copies of my magazine. my social life is very oddly scattered right now. i have barely seen people that were super primary not long ago.
on the other hand, i struck up numerous successful conversations at foxz tonight. i must have been looking good actually because one stranger tried to buy me a drink. presumably she took my declining this as a brush-off, but really it's that i don't drink. i would have clarified but actually i sort of wanted to give her the brush off anyway, not for any specific reason though. she seemed all right. i talked to that one skinny beth girl about the beatles and was thrilled to discover someone who knows them well enough to have nerdy beatle conversations about them! that bodes well. we had a moment of both confessing that 'come together' isn't really all that great.
perhaps most satisfyingly, i carried on, listened, and told jokes with sarah-who's-too-old-for-me and her companion (old enough for her). this made me feel terribly grown up, but that might just be my cover story to myself for how unspeakably foxy she was looking. foxzy.
no, wait, more satisfying than that was the way i sang 'new york, new york' by frank sinatra, and really seemed to have a ton of people into it. i mean that song has some tough parts! pretty much there was no way for anything to keep me at foxz for much more than a half hour after i fucking NAILED those last long 'new yoooooooooooooooooooork's. i couldn't stop smiling as i made my way through the cheering and complimentary crowd full of cuties. i felt, and still feel, very at peace with myself as a result of all this.
and now, i'm going to eat captain crunch and watch more mystery science theater. maybe tomorrow i'll go play kickball and give the people there copies of my comic book.
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