2:04 a.m. - 2005-10-22
gonna fight him tooth and nail
tonight is a good illustration of why going out largely doesn't work for me even though i am largely over most of my social uptightness type problems and am comfortable with going out by myself, etc. the thing is that i work till 11 (tonight, till 12:30) and have committments tomorrow including still more work. meanwhile, i don't know any of the faces anymore and i have little instinctive interest in many of them (they are all so young, both in their features and what they seem to be interested in talking about). so, at a really surprisingly large and bumping party, i end up recognizing half a dozen people, most of them at the smaller party next door where people are sitting on the couch watching 'firefly,' which i really don't want to watch. at the big disco party, i know the dj dude and talk to him a while, and actually get kind of jazzed about the notion of being his dj understudy, which may or may not actually happen. i have a lot of good records he doesn't have, and in fact at work today i spent a whole lot of time fantasizing about playing "killer on the rampage" in a dj set. i think it would just kill. on the rampage.
anyway, so, at a party with people i don't know, i could dance cause the dj selections are indeed acceptable, but dancing in the midst of a bunch of kids i'm not attracted to is always sort of dicey (read: have to be well-slept, well-fed, and just enjoying my body...not sore, foot-weary, and full of junk) and is made even less appealing by the fact that about 80% of them seem to think halloween is this week. no. halloween is next week. i'm sorry. even sweet teresita, who co-masterminded this whole affair, fell into the delusion that you could stretch a one-day holiday into a whole week. (now, i know halloween is normally spread over a couple of nights in athens since it never falls on the right day of the week, but this is just plain ridiculous.) ANYWAY. the point of all this is, all that would really keep me at the party would have been a) talking to DJ Topher more (but he was busy) and b) following around obnoxiously the two hot people present (but that would be lame and SO the pre-2004 addison). also, it is getting on in hours and sleep is too important. so i make me way gone.
as you can see it is a tangled web of factors that keeps me from really being a normal social animal these days. maybe it is silly to think leaving town will solve everything, but it would certainly shred the web.
obviously there are still such amazing, blowout nights as last night at indie rock karaoke, but these are more of the insular townie flavor, where i retreat to the established crew, have a ton of laughs, etc. that's not a bad way to spend an evening by ANY means, but it doesn't lend itself to meeting people or meeting girls that like me.
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