12:40 a.m. - 2008-09-17
all it's got to take is some warmth to make it blow away
huge swaths of columbus, including my house, have been without electricity for days now and perhaps for many days more. in the grand scheme of things this is a minor inconvenience at worst, but at the micro-scale this diary covers, it crystallizes the emptiness of my life right now: i had set aside these days to really lay into working on my photos, which would have actually been quite satisfying, also listening to music while cleaning the house etc. without electricity i cannot do these things, and so i am doing very little of anything at all. i have no friends to lean on here and despite almost no history of anything in this town, a lot of people's faces remind me of the one history i do have, which is of course the great sad awkwardness of bungled potential surrounding the one girl here who could have been one of the all-time great friends except i blew it somehow.
it is getting colder outside. i spent some time around an impromptu bonfire in a grill tonight. this was fine because i like poking at fires with sticks and staring at them, but i have absolutely no skill left for conversation. earlier in the summer i was having near-panic-attack type problems with social situations. this wasn't that; i just actually have nothing at all to say to anybody about anything. so the bottom line is that i am boring, lonely, and obviously kind of whiny/down on myself right now. i have good days too. oh and my mom is back in the hospital now. great.
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